Just so you know, I am not cheerful. For some reason dA won't let me change my mood.
I just need to vent right now. I'm in a really bad mood.

After all this time...my father finally called. I've lost track on how long it was..but I know it has been over 5 months!
He wants me to see my little brothers. They are both having a birthday party; because HE missed their birthday. He is too busy working.
And apparently he is too busy to call his daughter as well. He hasn't been keeping touch with any of his family members because he claims to be too busy! And when he DOES call he expects me to drop any plans that I have to come and see him! Things just don't work out like that!

...I know he isn't my real father. But he is the closest thing I have ever had. He raised me...and he didn't even have to. Then he just stopped calling me after he got married. I felt, and still feel, abandoned yet again.

I never knew my real father. He just walked out on me, my sister, and my mom. He said that Sharon and I looked nothing like him and that we weren't his. That was when I was just a baby. Then Ben came. Like I said he raised me.
((my grandma raised Sharon.))

I keep telling myself. I don't need a father. I'm doing fine. I'm turning out...just fine. But...I do need a father figure. I pretend like I don't care. But I do.

I hate it when people say that their father is a jack ass because he made them do this...or he made them do that. Or maybe he just grounded them. The hole time I am listening to them...I want to say. "At least you have a father."
I want a father to say, "You can't do this."
Or.
"Clean your room."
Or maybe.
"Be back before 10."
You know? And I want fatherly advice along with motherly advice!
I WANT THAT!
Why can't people just cherish what they have in a father? I envy everyone that has a father.
Maybe that is why I never hang out with my mom's boyfriend and his son. It makes me sick.

I do cherish what I have now. I have great friends and a great sister. Mom is getting better each day. I have a wonderful boyfriend...I just want a father. But apparently that is too much to ask for.

Saturday I am going to Micheal's and Tyler's birthday party at Chuck-E-Cheese. I am going for them and them only.


I think I am done complaining. Thanks to those who read this...
Means a lot.